If Only

If only
If only I could open my window
Look out at the sun
And manage a smile
If only I could mean my laugh
And not the tears
That spring from my eyes
If only I could lay down
My head on the pillow
At night, and not wonder
Of the day to come
If only I could sleep, dreamless
Not wish this day
Had passed differently
If only I could forget
And live on,
Catching hold, and letting go
If only I could say
It doesn't matter
As it never mattered
Until now
If only I could turn back time
Live those moments again
Differently
Happily
If only I could bring myself
To become other
Than who I've become
If only time had never passed
And those days of glory never ended
If only.